How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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