My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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