So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
