Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my shit smells like andre
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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