I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
