this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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