If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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