well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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