That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
