So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You are the jesus of drinking
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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