there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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