drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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