you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
