when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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