I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
