Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
