Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
