yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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