Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
