Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
