Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
