i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
