I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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