i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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