when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
