Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
