the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
