I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
