just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
