I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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