Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my shit smells like andre
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
