I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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