remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
