I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
