At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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