He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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