In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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