and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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