smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
