Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
