If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
