in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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