I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
