What a fucking waste of an outfit
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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