I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
