why didn't you poke me back
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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