the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
