The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
