i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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