There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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