May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
