I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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