I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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